Working Through The Grief Process
Posted: Tuesday, July 15, 2008
by Roschelle Nelson
The beauty of life is unparalled by anything else my mind can imagine. Our mere existence is G
od's gift to this glorious world He created. We travel this journey called life as though it were a restless sea carrying us along with every movement. At times, the waters are calm and tranquil giving us the sense that we will remain forever to bask in all the beauty life offers. Then, sometimes without warning, the waters can become rough, turbulent and cast us into the darkness most of us know as grief.
If you've spent any amount of time taking part in life's journey, at some point you have or will experience grief.
It's natural to mourn or lament over what is lost in our lives.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross M.D. was a Swiss-born pyschiatrist and author of the book On Death and Dying. In this book, Dr. Kubler-Ross introduced what was later called the Kubler-Ross model.
This model describes, in five stages, the process by which people deal with grief and tragedy. The stages are known as "The Five Stages of Grief".
Having studied this model and observed many patients and family members during different stages of grief, it is paramount that each person complete the five stages in order for healing to begin.
Even in my life, I have experienced each stage and I'm sure you have too and simply didn't realize it.
The five stages are as follows:
Stage I - Denial
During this stage, people often expend vast amounts of energy trying to convince friends and family member that they're fine. They feel as if this can't be happening to them.
Often, we hear bad news and don't actually believe what we've been told until some sort of concrete proof is obtained.
Stage II - Anger
This is the why me stage. How can this be happening to me? Or, on the other hand, anger can be displayed by the spouse of a deceased husband or wife - placing blame on them (the deceased) for leaving.
Some turn their anger to God. How could He let this happen? It is during this stage that many people lose their faith.
Stage III - Bargaining
Bargaining can take place before the loss occurs - attempting to make deals with God before the loss occurs i.e. divorce or asking for more time. After the loss, one might pray or wish for their loved one to come back.
Stage IV - Depression
Overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and frustration occur. Self-pity is also displayed.
It is my opinion that this stage can often be the most dangerous since thoughts of suicide may manifest during this period.
Stage V - Acceptance
In this period, we come to accept that the one we've lost is gone. Don't get acceptance confused with resignation. Acceptance is not just bearing the loss but finding comfort and healing in spite of the loss.
We begin to reminisce and often share fond memories during this period.
To feel pain after loss is normal. However, we can't stop living. Life must and will go on. Enlisting the help of others who've experienced what you are going through can be a saving Grace.
Understanding and facing each stage of grief can bring you through one of the most difficult times any of us will ever have to face.
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)hi Roschelle, i have read that book, and gone through those stages, so i know them to be helpful. i remember not crying at my mother's funeral, and we were very close, and the loss was insurmountable, and when i thought about it a few days later i wondered why? i shouldn't have been able to stop. it took me a long time to get past that grief, but 19 years later, i talk to her often, have pictures of her at my computer, and believe she is happy and where she is meant to be. i do think her energy is with me, and she is aware of every moment of my existence. thanks for sharing, best wishes, sue thomPlease log in to respond to this comment.
No, thank you for sharing your story. I can only say that time heals all. I still have my mother and I thank God for her on a daily basis.I agree with you in that our loved ones remain with us in some spiritual wayPlease log in to respond to this comment.
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