The Tender Years
Posted: Wednesday, July 07, 2010
by Roschelle Nelson
We have control over the choices we make in life; not the consequences
As a functional adult from a single parent home, one of my greatest accomplishments was marrying the man who would one day be a father to our future children. Things were working out quite well until the father and I stopped loving each other.
Oh, I'll always love him in spite of but the love that a man and woman share as a couple, as a unit, as one, left long ago.
The youngest didn't get off so easy. He's 9 years old and caught in the middle of a marriage gone wrong.
I thought long and hard about seeking sole custody of my son and sometimes wish I had gone through with it. But the little girl in me who never knew a father's love, never felt the safety of his arms, never had the pleasure of him making one of my dates break out in a cold sweat wouldn't allow me to do that to my child.
So, we both agreed on joint custody. Now my child is shuttled between two homes - regrouping, readjusting, relearning...every other week. It's not the most ideal situation. Sometimes I think it'll wind up doing more harm than good and during those times of doubt, I pray.
I pray that a broken marriage won't break his spirit. I pray that our failure won't impede his pursuit of a lasting relationship. I pray he understands that even though our love didn't last, our love for him is and always will be unwavering. I pray that in the midst of the most chaotic period in my life, he has an inner peace that can't be shaken.
I pray I've done the best as his mother that I could do without losing myself.
I pray for my son.
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)wow thank you for sharing this gutsy painful wise story. appreciated as a learning momentPlease log in to respond to this comment.
I think you've done the very best thing for him. I don't think children are scarred by divorce per se, I think it's the fighting that hurts them the most and makes their world so shaky, because they think it's their fault and they have no refuge. It sounds as if your son is well loved and nurtured and protected. I think you're doing a great job.Please log in to respond to this comment.
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